Funny embarrassing dating stories
It’s a busy intersection, and I’m compelled to keep pace with my friend, who’s moving faster and faster towards my house.I threw up 5 times in under a minute at a mild jog with people gasping in their cars as they watch me.This fucker takes the long way home and is laughing like it is funny that I am about to shit myself.When we get home, I get out of the car into a standing position and it happens.The moment directly after doing so feels capable of inducing a heart attack.I’ve reconsidered mobile social networking because that’s typically when it happens.He’s grabbing his ass as he runs, I’m 20 feet behind ralphing everywhere. “Once my friend tried to do a blue angel, he put the lighter to his ass and farted…. And my boyfriend (now husband) and I go to the Olive Garden (nothing like bread sticks) for dinner. We get about 15 minutes from home and I turn to my boyfriend and I am like “I really have to go to the bathroom.” Meanwhile, I have this kid kicking me in every organ inside my body including my bowels and bladder (being pregnant is great).
From the confines of my own home, I love having “Me So Horny” blare when you call. Either way people are going to cry “party foul,” and make a spectacle of your clumsiness. Accidentally “liking” a Facebook status or double tapping an Instagram image.
“I shat myself one cold winter’s evening, on my way to a nightclub. I mentally prepare myself for the quick actions I have to perform to hit my target, how to properly aim, etc.
My best mate and I were walking down to the club, which is about a mile-and-a-half away from where we lived. except that I realize that my cheek squeezing action is literally what is keeping it inside. I run through it about 4 times in my head and decide to go for it. I sprayed the seat and the wall and left a rudimentary silhouette of the toilet on the wall.
Not only is this terrifying, but it’s equally painful on your body and ego.
However it is a relief to know that our reaction speed isn’t too shabby. Eye boogers, nose boogers, food in the teeth, stains on clothes – any type of visually off-putting monstrosity that you unknowingly wore all day. Doing something odd when you’re all alone, then thinking “what if” you’re currently being recorded?
What all this stuff is really worth online listening to and which ones.
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