Funny embarrassing dating stories

It’s a busy intersection, and I’m compelled to keep pace with my friend, who’s moving faster and faster towards my house.I threw up 5 times in under a minute at a mild jog with people gasping in their cars as they watch me.This fucker takes the long way home and is laughing like it is funny that I am about to shit myself.When we get home, I get out of the car into a standing position and it happens.The moment directly after doing so feels capable of inducing a heart attack.I’ve reconsidered mobile social networking because that’s typically when it happens.He’s grabbing his ass as he runs, I’m 20 feet behind ralphing everywhere. “Once my friend tried to do a blue angel, he put the lighter to his ass and farted…. And my boyfriend (now husband) and I go to the Olive Garden (nothing like bread sticks) for dinner. We get about 15 minutes from home and I turn to my boyfriend and I am like “I really have to go to the bathroom.” Meanwhile, I have this kid kicking me in every organ inside my body including my bowels and bladder (being pregnant is great).

From the confines of my own home, I love having “Me So Horny” blare when you call. Either way people are going to cry “party foul,” and make a spectacle of your clumsiness. Accidentally “liking” a Facebook status or double tapping an Instagram image.

“I shat myself one cold winter’s evening, on my way to a nightclub. I mentally prepare myself for the quick actions I have to perform to hit my target, how to properly aim, etc.

My best mate and I were walking down to the club, which is about a mile-and-a-half away from where we lived. except that I realize that my cheek squeezing action is literally what is keeping it inside. I run through it about 4 times in my head and decide to go for it. I sprayed the seat and the wall and left a rudimentary silhouette of the toilet on the wall.

Not only is this terrifying, but it’s equally painful on your body and ego.

However it is a relief to know that our reaction speed isn’t too shabby. Eye boogers, nose boogers, food in the teeth, stains on clothes – any type of visually off-putting monstrosity that you unknowingly wore all day. Doing something odd when you’re all alone, then thinking “what if” you’re currently being recorded?