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I couldn’t see it at the time, but I had a tendency to become wildly attracted to girls who were unavailable – e.g.

I would become loyal to one girl at a time – swearing off all other women because this girl was The One – even though I had no chance with her.

I started to become afraid of showing sexual interest to a girl in case she actually reciprocated because I knew I would be put to the test.

I started to develop something I now call “anxiety squared” – I would get anxious about sexual anxiety possibly happening in the future. What followed can only be described as “subconscious sexual avoidance” – I began to self-sabotage when it came to sex and dating.

The less likely a girl was to have sex with me, the more attractive I found her.

In terms of both mindset and behaviour, I was making it very difficult to go through with having sex or start a relationship.

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